(in case you're wondering, this is a parody website, but the Latin is serious)
Salvete ad paginam geographicam veterem!
Before Looby-Loo decided to write about the Greeks she wrote about Gladiators!
The games
We interviewed her:
Looby: I guess it was a kind of sport, and it sucks big time. Those poor men had to fight each other to the death just to entertain people. It’s like, so wrong. And it got me wondering whether any ancient Romans felt the same way as me. I mean, gee, they can’t all have enjoyed it.. So I found out about this guy called Seneca, which is also a city in South Carolina, anyhow, Seneca thought the gladiatorial games sucked big time. He wrote:
‘Man, an object of reverence in the eyes of men, is now slaughtered for jest and sport… and it is a satisfying spectacle to see a man made a corpse.'
So he sounds pretty pissed. Apart from him the Christians didn’t like the games, which I’m super stoked about, cos I believe in Jesus. So there was this guy called Tertullian who said:
'There is no public spectacle without violence to the spirit.'
Spartacus from a 19th C. book
Mosaic of Gladiators
But I think he was upset about people getting too excited, not just the people getting killed.
Apart from that I coudn’t find many people criticising the games. Some guy called Statius wrote a poem called ‘The Tame Lion’ in which everyone including Caesar -he was like the President- were really upset about a lion dying. And then I remembered being told the story of Androcles and the Lion when I was a kid. This poor man has been condemned to be thrown to the lions because he ran away from his cruel master- it really sucks how cruel people were in those days! Anyway, one of the lions recognises him because the slave took a thorn out of his foot years before, and doesn’t eat him, but, like, he licks his hands and everything. Everybody was super stoked, including Caesar, and he orders them both to be freed.
I think that story is like, later on in Roman history, so maybe it doesn’t count, but there’s a story that Julius Caesar, he was another emperor or something, and was pretty cool, although he wasn’t very nice to French people. Anyhow, he had to go to the games cos people expected him to, but he took some paperwork ( officium papyrium?) with him cos he was such a hard worker. But when the crowd saw him doing his paper work they weren’t happy, so he had to put it down and pretend he was enjoying himself.
Ancient Athletics
Of course the Greeks were much nicer than the Romans and they never really got into watching people fight for their lives in the arena. Also the Greeks kinds invented gymnastics and athletics, though I bet other people did it too but never wrote it down, so the Greeks got all the credit. The Greeks had frequent competitions, including the olympic games, which the Romans were interested in too. So they had running races (cursus, i), discus and javelin throwing (iaculatio, nis f), but also poetry reading. I've included a picture of a running race. Uurgh, gross! They're all naked! No way would I have gone, but maybe girls weren't allowed anyhow.
Vase depicting naked men!
Mosaic of Emperor Justinian in Ravenna
Chariot Racing
Chariot racing became so popular in Constantinople, which used to be called Byzantium, but is now called Istanbul - it’s kinda complicated- anyway it got so popular that the supporters of the two teams, the greens and the blues, rioted and thousands of people died. The emperor then was called Justinian, and his wife was called Theodora, and she was really gross and slept with loads of people until she became a nun. But Fluffy, he’s head of history, said you can’t believe everything ancient authors wrote. The guy who wrote that was a historian called Procopius, and he might have been upset with Justinian for some reason.
Harpastum
The only team ball game I could find much about was Harpastum. It seems it was a bit like rugby, but tougher. Except there weren’t goals or nets but the referee (arbiter, ris, m+f) gave points to one side for every clean pass they made. It sounds kinda fun, but not as fun as soccer (pediludium, i n.). I love soccer. I think I can find a picture of harpastum somewhere. But it was a participation sport, it wasn’t something you went to watch.
Fresco of Harpastum players
Heptathlon
Because the Athletics World Championship are happening now and because I used to do the heptathlon in High School I looked up Heptathlon in vicipaedia. I think it really sucks that woman can’t do the decathlon, I’d love to do the pole vault (saltus perticarius). Pertica means pole. My best race was the cursu mediae distantiae or 800 metres, and I loved the saltus in longitudinem or long jump, and the iaculatio or javelin. I guess the Romans did that too. I don't know why they call it throwing the hammer when it's clearly not a hammer. Anyhow, it's the same in Latin - iactus mallei.
I think hept means seven in Greek or something. My favourite hepthathlete of all time? That must be Jessica Ennis or Katerina Johnson-Thompson. They’re both really cool, even though they’re not American. But they’re from my adopted country which is the UK. Like, a lot of Americans get confused between England and Britain and the United Kingdom. I guess it’s weird because both England (and Scotland, Wales and N. Ireland) are represented separately in soccer, but come together to compete as Britain in the Olympics. I’ve kinda gone off talking about Latin there.
I want to say a bit about soccer. I coach the Moleborough 1st team (turma, ae f, agmen, is m, grex, gregis f. manus, us f). I used to be a forward (oppugnator, is m), but soccer is fun wherever you play.
Athtlete Katerina Johnson-Thompson
